Finally, We're Here

Here we are - standing at the crossroad; wondering how we all managed to survive the storms that wreaked havoc in our lives this year. Nobody has the slightest idea of how we got here - even us. We do know, however, that the path to reach where we are now is one that's winding, bumpy, narrow, and difficult. 

We've lost a lot along the way - hope, inspiration, clarity, even ourselves in the process. We've shed tears, so much of them just like how it's been raining endlessly these past few days of December. We thought there was no way past them - but here we are, wounded but still standing, still fighting.

Knees trembling, we try to look back at our journey for a moment. The times we fell down in defeat and felt achingly helpless begin to flood our memories. The darkness is fresh in our minds, the wounds still stinging as though it hasn't been healed. We savor the painful moments, still finding hard to accept that some people who we love dearly have left us, friends we thought would be there for us - are not in our lives anymore, the goals we have set have changed, we failed many times and we realize that we are weak, despite trying our very best to stay strong.

Confusion and doubt consumed us this year. We were not sure about so many things. It wasn't clear what we wanted to do next, who we wanted to be, and why things were happening the way we didn't expect it to. We couldn't find the answers and often blame ourselves for this inadequacy as an expense. The temporary answer brings us a false sense of comfort. But we know deep inside us, there was a mess we could not fathom.

How troublesome, we say. 

But as we linger on a flashback of the things that happened throughout this year, a vision strikes us. It was something we have not seen or noticed before. Fixing our attention to this vision gives us a strong feeling of power mixed with awe. It lends us strength so intense that tears well up in our eyes. In that vision, we see ourselves all covered in dust, wounds, looking weary, helpless - slowly standing up, shaking, eyes fixed on the horizon. In that vision was our very own selves - getting up, and dusting off our knees. In that vision, it was us - choosing to fight and to move a little step forward, in spite of everything. 

We finally see more clearly that it was our own decision not to give up. We see more vividly that there were so many wonderful people that stayed in our lives even in our darkest moments to cheer us on. There were also so many things we achieved this year - learning new things, trying out new hobbies, being open to new perspectives, practicing self-care, and so on. We can feel more intensely that the pain we experienced was actually a redirection. So we pushed forward, little by little. 

Life taught us that we need not find ourselves. In fact, we were never really lost. Instead, it generously gave us teachable moments to let us know that we have the power to create a version of ourselves that we can fully accept, someone we would not betray, and someone we can love in spite of our own imperfections. 

Here we are - standing at the crossroad; wondering how we all managed to survive the storms that wreaked havoc in our lives this year. Now we know how we got here - it was because of us, and the people that chose to stay with us. We've become stronger. We are much braver.

So, to our lives ahead, we say: "Bring it on!".

Love, 

Mary Jedde