A Stranger to All the Good Things Can Sometimes Be Ourselves

 

It's quite ironic how we crave other people's validation and yet we couldn't even give some for ourselves. 

Imagine working so hard to make ends meet, being employed in a job that you only tolerate just so you can provide for your family, setting aside your own needs so that you can deliver what's expected of you - but then, at the end of a long, tiring day, what you've been dying to hear is a word of appreciation from your family and friends. It's that simple, yes? You don't require much to keep going. All you need is to hear that what you're sacrificing, what you're working hard for, is being appreciated by the people you're gifting it to. 

But here lies the gap. A missing piece. 

You seek the validation of others, forgetting that you must offer it to yourself first. You long to be seen, to be embraced, to be told that we're doing so well, and yet you scarcely even notice your own hard work. You hardly embrace yourself after a difficult day. You seldom give yourself the love you deserve when you've done something that isn't easy. You want to be appreciated by others, but one simple mistake is enough to make you despise yourself and this makes it even harder to appreciate your own.

You build walls sometimes, and that may be fine - to set healthy boundaries, to show self-respect, to make people know where you stand. What isn't fine is that you build not only a high wall but a great dome that keeps you from loving yourself. You enjoy sacrificing for others. Worth seems to attach itself to the pain and so you relish it, thinking it's worth it! "It's all for them", you say; even when that sacrifice costs you your sense of self. 

Isn't it a little lonely to be so close and yet so far from yourself?

You are the closest to you, but you treat yourself like a stranger to all the good things you deserve. You deserve a gentle hug, a kind word, a loving encouragement. You deserve that beautiful smile you so readily give to others too. You deserve that firm tap on your shoulder after a long, difficult, day. Beyond the material 'treat' you give yourself - new things, clothes, food - you deserve every wonderful experience, feeling, and energy that money couldn't buy, and must all come from you first. 

So, here's a proposal - will you accept you as a dear friend? A dear friend who you appreciate each day, a dear friend whose flaws you accept, a dear friend whose dreams you support, and a dear friend who you love dearly for better or for worse?

May your answer be a sweet 'yes'. 

Because then, this bridges the gap that we often overlook - a chance to love ourselves as though we are our own dear friend.

Love,

Mary Jedde