Enjoy the Journey of Tossing Out Your Life Script!

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I tried to go beyond my comfort zone the other day.

It was an attempt to present some practical set of tools that I've learned from my course. An idea meant to provide a fresh perspective on tackling changes to a group of 15 people. Being a beginner in that particular topic, my mind began to wander and imagined possibilities of myself, standing in front of everyone - confidently delivering an impeccably substantial content. In that bubble, I looked comfortable being in my element with no clear signs of doubt and fear as I spoke. How powerful I appeared to be in that vision!

I snapped back to reality and while putting together my presentation slides, I couldn't help but notice how eager I was to deliver the content. Somehow, outlining the important points about the topic seemed like a piece of cake. In fact, it felt liberating! The ideas flowed out naturally and almost seamlessly. I typed as each idea pops up. Seeing it happening right in front of my very eyes gave me a boost of confidence and wondered: "If I'm able to write it well, then I could verbally deliver it smoothly as well!" Or so I thought.

Finally, I'd finished preparing. My points have been outlined concisely. I arrived with a clean introduction, woven an enticing body, and crafted a strong conclusion. It was okay to say that at that moment, the material's finally ready. However, right when there was one hour left before the start of the program, my heart suddenly began pounding like crazy. My palms started to sweat and worse, I couldn't keep still. It felt as though all the butterflies in my stomach had suddenly gone berserk.

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I knew what these signs were. They were all too familiar. It was my "Are-We-Sure-About-This?" zone. Now, when I'm in that zone, all I could think about are unbearably painful scenarios that wouldn't work well for me. For example, forgetting what I'm supposed to talk about, stuttering, shaking, looking like a fool, you get the idea. A panic state before delivering a speech, a talk, or even a simple presentation has ensued me. When I'm in this zone, my instant reaction would always be: "Alright, time to head back to what's familiar. Just follow the routine, and you should be okay!". 

Yes, it would have simply worked out easily had I followed and succumbed to the path of comfort and safety, but at that moment, I was feeling rebellious, like a daredevil driven by a need to try something new. So, stubborn as I am sometimes, I decided to stick with the original plan: "Deliver the new content! Speak up. Just do it!". Hence, in order to slush the anxiety I was feeling and manage the internal panic which I was submerged in, I declared: "You'll definitely need to print your notes, bring it along with you and read from there!". 

You know, just to be safe.

So I did. I printed the slides with my notes on and exactly the speech I was supposed to deliver.

But oh boy did it go downhill from there, for sure!

--

We reached the venue and the event started. My speech notes were on the table and I was standing in front of the participants - just as how I'd imagined it to be, although not quite exactly. You see, while I was in front of them, the confidence I had imagined from my mind was nowhere to be found (talk about bad timing, right?). I tried looking for it everywhere but it had eloped with my sense of eloquence somewhere into the aether.

When I knew this was happening, deep inside, I began shaking. My mind started to play dominos of a series of what-ifs. I felt overwhelmed with the uncertainty of whether they would find the tool helpful or not. I was uncertain with whether they would like it or not. When I spoke, I froze halfway. Struggling to continue (due to unfamiliarity of the concept, and the newness of the idea to me) I peeked down at my notes. It was all over the place. I started panicking as my hands rummaged through the file of paper on the table. Inside the room, there was complete silence.

It was game-over. Or maybe not?

--

On the verge of giving up, I stopped on my tracks and took a deep breath. I had no other choice. I wanted to deliver but in order to do that, I had to abandon the thought of leaning towards something planned, something structured or perfectly curated. So I dropped my notes. Stood more firmly and faced my audience.

It was a moment of surrender for me.

You can hear the faint shaking of my voice as I began telling my story. The silence turned from a scary monster to a more friendly stillness. I focused my energy on being vulnerable as I opened up about my own experiences with change. The material I had hoped for, containing tools that they can use to better manage the changes in their lives managed to get delivered to the intended people. I continued to speak even without my notes, even when I wasn't 100% prepared. I just decided to show up and own it.

And it worked!

After the program, that evening, I received a message from one of the audience saying:

I got two takeaways from this experience:

1. Trying something new can be scary, but it is definitely worth the try. It's worth feeling uncomfortable in the beginning. Because the moment you actually do it, the fear of the unknown subsides and you will begin to realize you are capable of doing so many awesome stuff more than you ever imagined! 

2. Show up. Speak up. It's hard, yes. But not impossible. Take a chance on yourself. Turn fear into curiosity and you will begin to live life in a better light. 

Thank you for reading up until the end.

I'll close this here for now. Enjoy the journey of tossing out your life script!

Love,
Mary Jedde