The Clear Truth - What You Don't See In the Photos

It is very easy to say we had a perfect wedding just by looking at the beautiful photos. But when you look a little more closely into it, you will begin to notice that our wedding day is composed of many tiny stories of imperfections, effort, hard work, and sacrifices - making it all the more memorable.

On the outside, I felt ecstatic. But somewhere within me laid a deal of sadness. I felt sad because many of our beloved relatives and cherished friends could not join us in the celebration. I only realized recently that I had been repressing this sadness to make room for focus while we were preparing for our big day. Whenever I receive a decline, I would be very quick to say "I understand" without processing how I felt and this backfired pretty quickly.

A night prior to the wedding, I broke down because I got overwhelmed with a surge of emotions. I honestly exploded because I had been bottling up my emotions - those that I deemed unproductive, unhelpful, and distracting - like anger and frustration. There were many things that didn't go according to plan and instead of expressing my real feelings about those matters, I chose to zip them up and lock them away. I had forgotten that it's okay to be angry and that my anger does not represent my whole being. I got scared of my own feelings and so I chose to pretend they were not there. 

It was a difficult moment for me because the sac which contained the locked-up emotions finally burst into pieces and pierced me hard. The sole Being who understood how I felt without me having to verbalize everything into existence was God. I prayed harder than ever. I felt I was at my weakest and communicating with the Lord helps to put me at ease. I became too focused on the minute details of the wedding - the dress, the food, the guests - that I had missed out on the most important purpose of matrimony and that is to be united in the presence of the Lord. 

One other important person was there with me during this moment and it was my then-fiancé (now my husband) Alexander. He listened and stayed. He made me feel that I wasn't alone in this and that we are a team. We didn't always agree with each other and we often express our own sentiments to each other (which can get ugly, messy, and painful) - without having to fear judgment - but that's what makes me appreciate our relationship all the more. It reminded me of a phrase from a book that says: 

"A better sort of lover is one who finely wrought of strong psychic muscle and tender flesh. For Wild Woman it also helps if the lover is a person who can see into her heart. (pg. 116), There is no one a wildish woman loves better than a mate who can be her equal. (pg. 121)"

 

He never left me alone on my own. He was always ready to support me whenever I needed his help. He never made any qualms about my decisions and consistently believed in my leadership. He was always willing to share his ideas with me and I was happy to oblige. He treats me as an equal, and I too treat him the same. I am deeply grateful and thankful to you, my love.

In fact, now, as I'm reflecting while I'm writing, there are also many things I have to apologize for. I often mistake his quietness as a sign that he is being passive. But in reality, that is not the case and for this, I'm terribly sorry, Schatz. Well, there are actually more things to say sorry for but, as the 1970 movie entitled Love Story by Erich Segal said, 

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

 

We still say sorry, but maybe what it means is that we are always ready to quickly forgive each other.

And lastly, things wouldn't have been as beautiful without the presence and love that both our parents showered us with. My parents did not lose a daughter but gained a son through Alex. His parents did not lose their only son but gained a daughter through me. And we became a bigger family filled with hope, determination, joy, and love. Thank you Mama Estela, Papa Tito, my sister AJ, Mama Hazel, Papa James. 

To my college besties who organized my bridal shower and stayed up overnight to prepare for our big day and attending in their best selves despite the challenges they faced along the way - thank you.

To Mommy Jasline who booked us and her family an entire plane ticket from Singapore to Cebu so that we can prepare for the wedding and who would have wanted to attend despite the odds but couldn't make it due to travel restrictions in Singapore - thank you.

To Aunt Liza, Uncle Felix, who already had their attire made from Cagayan - thank you.

To Uncle Danny, Ate Brends, Ate Patsay, Manoy Charles, Ms. Sol, Sir Leo and to the rest of our very important guests who couldn't make it but still made sure their well-wishes reach us - thank you.

To Dave, who was in the middle of taking her exams in Med School but still made it during our wedding - thank you.

To Cecil, who was my confidante, and who trusted a budding designer to make her beautiful dress, creating a ripple effect and building that person's self-esteem, thank you.

To Dongibz, who traveled all the way from Japan to the Philippines so that he wouldn't miss our big day, thank you.

To Kenneth, who just lost a special person in his life and still showing up in high spirits as my husband's best man during the wedding, thank you.

To Chilou, my confidante, and witness of our relationship, thank you.

To Alex's relatives who took the time and effort to prepare for the wedding, thank you.

To our ninongs and ninangs who, despite their busy schedules still attended our wedding and witnessed our union during the ceremony, thank you.

To our family relatives and friends who watched the live stream ceremony, thank you.

To my Positive Psychology colleagues in Singapore, who became friends and mentors and sent their well wishes to us, thank you.

To my relatives who attended our wedding day, thank you.

To all our suppliers, thank you.

Amidst all the imperfections, efforts, and sacrifices that were felt and made during our wedding day, what is etched in my heart is the happiness I feel, the sense of belonging that fills me, and the bright, warm flame that gives me the energy to embrace this new chapter in my life, together with my husband.

And that, dear reader, is the clear truth that many people don't see in the photos - that the wedding day was solemn and perfect because it was made with tiny jeweled diamonds that went through roughness and polished with love.

To my husband, Alexander, being your wife brings me happiness and joy. Thank you for taking care of even the messiest parts of my soul.

Love,

Mary Jedde

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Footnotes:

Book: Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Movie/Novel: Love Story by Erich Segal (1970)