Adulting Doesn't Always Suck, But It Can Get Lonely

If you were to recall what you told your teacher when she asked: "What do you want to be when you grow up?", would you say you've become what you said you would be? Does it make you happy?

When I was little, I often wondered what it would be like to become an adult. You could do whatever you want and be who you want to be. You could also travel to places as you wish. It was an exciting thought to think about. As kids, my friends and I would play pretend, where we were the doctors and our stuffed animals were our patients. My aunt would scold us many times because we used to pick the leaves from the small garden to play chef. We would collect old newspapers, cut them, and then make it into our pretend money. Those were the days when I thought to myself, "I can't wait to become an adult, then I can have anything that I want."

In fourth-grade, the teacher would ask us to think about what we wanted to be when we grow up. I remembered drawing a figure of a doctor on my paper. Then the next year, I would draw a lawyer. As a little kid, I admired how doctors could save lives and so I wanted to be one. I also thought that being a lawyer sounds heroic because you can save those who are mistreated. I carried the belief with me that I wanted to be either one of the two because I didn't know what else to become. Unknowingly, my preferences began to change when I was in University. I stopped wanting to become a doctor or a lawyer. As I stripped myself off of my old beliefs, I turned into someone who didn't know who or what I wanted to be. So I made myself busy thinking I would one day know the answer. For a moment, I stopped worrying about what the future would be like. But it back-fired on me. Repressing it didn't help at all.


Then life happened in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, I'm twenty-four years old.

So many things have happened in between that transition. It felt like being in a ship in the middle of the ocean. Some days were good, sunny, and bright. The sea was calm and glittery, and the breeze was soothing. Other days were dark, stormy, and cold. The waves were big and kept crashing on to the hull of the ship shaking me up relentlessly. I had my fair share of wins and losses in life and in love. It was the most indescribable experience. There were moments where I could not understand why things were happening the way they were despite me doing my very best to prevent them. I had a lot of questions in my mind and I could not find any answer to them all. It was frustrating to be unable to figure out the answers and it was even more exasperating to realize that this is the reality of life nobody can escape.


One fine day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring blankly in space. I gave out a deep sigh. It wasn't one for relief but rather that of admission, that I have become neither a doctor and a lawyer which my 10-year old self would have wanted me to be, and that right now, there are so many uncertain things in my life that I could not figure out. The biggest truth that I wouldn't have wanted to admit is something that I've always been excited about when I was a little kid - a realization that I have finally become an adult.


I thought being an adult was only about being fun and exciting. I thought you could do whatever you want, travel where you want to go, be who you want to be - without limitations. But I now know that I was wrong. Being an adult means cooking your own meal, doing your own laundry, waking up early for work, going home tired and spending the weekends at home with messy hair and unwashed PJs either watching Kdrama or trying to figure life out or rarely, hang out with friends. Adulting means having to pay your own bills and doing your own grocery. It's about not knowing where to find the expiry dates on food and eating them anyway. It's about getting sick and taking care of yourself. Being an adult means having to deal with your own demons when the thoughts come flooding in at night and all you have are more questions in response to a question.


Being an adult is a riddle. It is a single riddle with plenty of answers. Each one of us has our own answer to this riddle.

"Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand." - Viktor E. Frankl

The more I don't think about it, the better I understand. That being an adult doesn't mean meeting the standards of society, nor answering your teacher's questions on what you want to be when you grow up and working your ass out to achieve it; it isn't always about sadness and weariness either. Rather, adulting means embracing the pain and uncertainties but still moving on and moving forward. It is about not knowing what the future will be but looks at it with hope. It is also about failing and succeeding and certainly, about living life even in the dullest, most boring moments of it. All of it.

Adulting doesn't always suck, but it can get lonely and it's okay because it's part of the journey we call life. If you have not figured it out yet, do not hurry. Instead, remain steadfast and strong because you are not alone. There are many people, like you and I who don't know what's next, who cries when things get out of hand, and who lives in constant seeking for a reason and a purpose.

As Viktor E. Frankl once wrote in his book Man's Search for Meaning, "But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer."

My hope is that we all find the courage to say, "This is it, I'm happy where I am." and truly mean it in the most genuine way possible as we navigate through life and as we continue adulting.


Cheers, my friend,
Mary Jedde


Photo credits of the first pic: Kulpeeps.com