"It blinds me sometimes, but I love you for it."

 

"Your light is so bright it blinds people. It blinds me sometimes, but I love you for it. I'm so damn proud of you I could burst. That light will attract people to you, and it will burn the bad ones and hurt their eyes, and they're going to try and hurt you for it. You need to watch out for them, learn to recognize them, and stay away from them."*

We have many fears. Heights, ghosts, failing - these are some of the things that we're afraid of. But there's one other thing that makes us want to hide and cower, something that makes us want to lock ourselves in the darkness, and something that makes us want to admit defeat. This one other thing that we're afraid of - is our own light. 

There are moments when we feel like we're shining so bright. We can feel it physically. Usually, it is the adrenaline that covers us from head to toe. It makes us want to take a big leap of faith. It makes us want to try new things without any hint of hesitation, and it makes us feel like we're invincible that we forget about our weaknesses and insecurities. 

When our light is radiating, we tend not to see anything else other than our goal. Somehow, it appears clearer, more tangible, and within our reach. It is an amazing and beautiful experience, I think, whenever we shine our light. Don't you think so?

However, when we realize this, we start to think. And when we start to think, we also often start to fall back. 

"What if I'm being too much - too much of a go-getter, too much of a passionate soul, too much of a dreamer?", 

"What if the light gets too blinding - will the people I love not want to be with me anymore?", 

"What if it dims halfway and I fail?"

These kinds of thoughts start playing on a loop and right when we're about to leap, we get reeled back in. What's causing us to fear our own light, I wonder? I think that it has something to do with our mindset. 

In the past, shining light to me means I have to be a successful person in the eyes of others. Personally, I feel that if I don't follow the shape of the cookie-cutter, I'll end up in the bin. So, I do my best to go and get, but with no direction sometimes, as long as it satisfies their criteria. This way of thinking added up to the fear of my own light. 

Currently, I found a way to redefine what 'light' means to me. Light means working and exerting my effort from the vantage point of my character strengths. There are things that I'm good at. They light me up even when it's tough, and they make me feel like I'm at my best self. Some of my strengths include hope, love of learning, and appreciation for beauty and excellence.

Doing activities, and making life decisions that are anchored on my strengths help me to shine a light that I need not be afraid of. I say this because our character strengths are more than just our achievement or our behavior. Our character strengths or character is the aggregate of who we are. I remember a quote from Rumi that says:

"What in your life is calling you?

When all the noise is silenced,

the meetings adjourned,

the lists laid aside, 

and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest,

what still puts on your soul?

In the silence between your heartbeats

hides a summons, do you hear it?

Name it if you must, or leave it forever nameless,

but why pretend it's not there?"

We all have our strengths, whether we name them or leave them forever nameless. But we can't pretend it is not there. Using our strengths isn't about closing an eye on our negatives. Instead, they add a framework that we can use, lean on, and activate to overcome our obstacles in life. Understanding this is a journey that I take every day and I have to remind myself about it too. 

That's why moving forward, let's start embracing our own light and not be afraid of it. I know that there will be those who will get blinded by it and dislike us for it, but I also know that we are loved because of my light. The right people will choose to say in our lives, while the wrong ones will get intimidated by it and leave. 

Please remember that it is not our responsibility to force them to stay or to ensure that they are pleased. It is instead our main priority to ensure our light does not dim just because we are in the wrong company of people. So, as the year comes to a close, I wish that we all can finally recognize the light we radiate and embrace it as fully as we can so we can make the world a little brighter than yesterday.

More importantly, let's keep that flicker of light burning in our hearts. No matter how dark it can get. You made it here with all your might, and I'm proud of you for it!

Merry Christmas, dear reader. 

Love,

Mary Jedde

*The Right Time by Danielle Steel (p.192)