When's My Turn?

There are times when we find ourselves exactly where we want to be. However, there are also moments when we look around and notice that others have gone ahead and progressed with their lives. Although we sincerely feel happy for them, we cannot help but face ourselves in the mirror and ask the big question we've always wanted an answer to: "What about me, when's my turn?"

Every ounce of effort, every bit of energy we've exerted, and every single intention to grow stronger just to create the life we want for ourselves sometimes go down the drain because as we stare at our own reflection in that mirror, we magnify not only our inadequacies but we also ruminate on all the things that we could have been but we are not. And we just could not forgive ourselves for it.

Why is it that we pity ourselves just because we are not on the same chapter as that of the other person we see on our social media? Why do we look defeated, exhausted, and hopeless whenever we try to match our age with what it is that we should have already accomplished? Why do we look so left out the moment we notice that we are not moving as rapidly as that person from our own age group in making our dreams a reality? What's taking us so slow?

This is exactly the part where we have to pay attention to. It is not that we are too slow or too unlucky. No, it's not about the speed with which we are living our lives. It's all about how we see ourselves. 

Many times we treat ourselves as strangers, like an uninvited guest who has been sitting in the living room constantly judging our every move. But we are not a stranger and a foe and we know this. We just don't want to accept this. 

Who we are is a learner. As learners, we are constantly being placed in situations that nudge us to grow. And growth is a process that is accompanied by darkness, pain, uncertainty, and coldness. Exactly like the life of a seed. Let's think of ourselves as seeds. 

Every plant owner understands that for seeds to grow into beautiful, healthy plants, their growth must not be rushed. They let their love, care, and attention be the factors that support the growth of the seed. 

Then, the plant owner places the planted seed where it can receive enough sunlight, water, and the right resources to grow. This is done every day with utmost attention and intentionality. Soon, the seed grows out of the dark, damp, soil and continues to grow moving forward. And most importantly, it does not compare itself with the other plants. It just grows. 

But we know for a fact that being seeds is only one part of the whole picture. We are not only the seeds but also the plant owner. 

We have to treat ourselves with the same love, care, and attention so we can grow and flourish. We must receive enough sunlight by allowing ourselves to be inspired by others as much as we inspire those around us too. We must ensure that we are receiving enough hydration so we can have the energy to grow. We too must do this with utmost attention and intentionality.

The more in touch we are with our growth, the more appreciative we are with every tiny inch of that growth. Instead of treating our own growth and progress as a big one or a small one, let's treat them as pieces of evidence of us showing up, of us putting an effort into what we are currently doing in life, and us choosing to value ourselves not as uninvited guests but as our own friend that we can count on.

So the next time we look at ourselves in the mirror, let's give ourselves a tap on the shoulder and say: "I'm proud of you because you are growing."

Because being attentive to our growth is exactly the place where we should be. 

Love,

Mary Jedde

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Photo credits to the artist.