"When You Love What You Have, You Have Everything You Need"

Celebrating my 5th birthday with my sister and cousins.
Happy with Filipino-style spaghetti and orange juice!

As little girls, my parents would often remind me and my sister to be grateful for what we have. We grew up in a simple household. Usually, our breakfast, lunch, and dinner doesn't change in variety. The food is cooked in the morning and is reheated for the next meals. Yes, there were many instances when we would complain about why it's always repeating.

As young children, we wanted to try eating new dishes too. We would whine about it and sometimes throw tantrums, to which my parents would reply: "Be grateful for the food on the table." We didn't understand what that truly meant back then. We thought it was just our parents nagging us and reminding us the same message over and over again like a broken record. We would even lip sync!

When we eat and rice grains fall off from the plate, even if it's just a few grains, our parents would scold us and say, "Be grateful. Each grain of that rice, many farmers worked hard under the heat of the sun to produce it. Do not waste food." We also didn't fully grasp what that meant and so we just followed as we were told.

Our family (my father's side) on top of a mountain in Bohol.

My family is not wealthy but for some reason, I didn't feel that we lacked so much in life. I didn't notice it then, but as I reflected, I've found that it was because of my parent's constant reminder - that we must be grateful all the time - which made a huge positive impact on my life. For everything that we have - big or small - we must be thankful with all our hearts.

Everything that we own is made by someone. Our clothes are sown by a seamstress, our food produced by farmers, our knowledge and wisdom are brought to us by other people and our experiences with them. Gratitude is believing that this goodness came not only from our own but from others outside us and outside our control. It is recognizing the sources of our blessings.

To me, God is the ultimate provider and I am thankful for all the blessings He has showered upon us. Take for example this beautiful sunrise photo. It radiates hope and inspiration within me. It reminds me that while there are many things in our lives are out of tune, messy, or we haven't figured out yet, we are still surrounded with so much goodness.

A beautiful sunrise taken by my father in the island of Panglao, Bohol.

Playing Bingo with Alex and my sister on a banig, while our uncles are preparing our meal.

Many of us are in need of this reminder today. You may be experiencing a difficult situation right now. We all are. Yet, you can be certain that you will always find good reasons to be grateful for. What are they? Have you noticed them today? They are waiting for you to finally turn and recognize them.

It can be challenging to notice what you have especially when your heart is filled with discontentment. Sometimes, you may feel that what you have is not enough. You then crave for more - wealth, material things, attention - and this craving tend to make us feel bitter about life!

I once read this book called "100 Ways to a Happier Life" and one of the messages that was written there was this: let's not be contented with who we are - meaning, we must strive to be more so we can give more. However, let's be contented with what we have - an invitation for us to find meaning and appreciation for the things and experiences that are in our lives right now.

Why? Because it's only when we lose a thing that we realize its genuine value. So it is very important for us to see how blessed we are for the things that we have and not how miserable we are for the things that we don't have.

An afternoon bonding in the outdoors.

My sister Angel and our cousin Danna while sitting on a branch.

Spending time with our cousins by the seaside.

In Positive Psychology, gratitude is one of the character strengths. One of the definitions of gratitude that researchers have found is that it is "a social emotion that signals our recognition of the things that others have done for us (Fox et al., 2015)."

Allow me to share with you a story about my aunt. We call her Mommy Hening. She passed away last year in 2019. Many people recounted their beautiful interactions they had with her. One of the stories was that even if she had no possessions indicating material wealth, she was the most wholehearted giver. She treats everyone with goodwill. She is always thankful and prays for her loved ones unfailingly.

While her story highlights the characteristic of a grateful person, let's try to focus our attention on another aspect of this anecdote. The people around Mommy Hening have felt happier, more connected, and appreciative too! Perhaps, gratitude does not only bring us happiness, but also create a ripple effect on the people around us too!

Mommy Hening is truly a person who was not only grateful but was also the embodiment of gratitude herself.

Mommy Hening and my cousin, Ate Jescel.

Find a space in your heart to love the people who are dear to you, to appreciate the possessions that you now have, and to make use of your present resources, talents, and skills. Try to turn your attention towards the blessings in front of you and that will surely make you happier, rather than feeling frustrated in longing for the things beyond our reach.

An author named C.C. Salonga once wrote: "Be grateful with everything that happens in your life. Life is about knowing how to handle both the good and the bad. When there is the rain, expect the mud. When there is the sun, expect the heat. Some people thank God for the rain and the sun, while others busy themselves cursing both the mud and the heat."

Sometimes, we benefit the most not only from our decision to accept our present difficulties, but also from the growth of character we build inside us, every time we make that decision. 

Taken at Gardens by the Bay in Singapore 2019.

"Have a grateful heart!", our parents said.

I now know and understand what that means, and with that, I am grateful.

And before the day ends, here's a little homework - notice three elements about your life that you're grateful for. They can be things that you own, moments of the day, names of persons who inspire you. Try to do it before going to sleep and give thanks that you have them in your life.

Remember, when you love what you have, you have everything you need.

Thank you for reading!

Love,
Mary Jedde

--

Sources:

1. Fox, G.R., Kaplan, J., Damasio, H., Damasio, A. (2015). Neural correlates of gratitude. Frontiers in Psychology 6(1), 1491. doi.10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491 (as cited in positivepsychology.com)

2. 100 Ways to a Happier Life by C.C. Salonga (paperback edition)